i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
