eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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