I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
