I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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