I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
