you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
