Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Randomize
