There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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