Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
