They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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