I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
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