don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
