google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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