Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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