would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
