Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize