She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
