I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
