do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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