just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
