you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
