He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
