i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I want to walk on stilts...naked
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
