Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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