saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
