the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
