i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
