You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize