I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She bit a glass in half.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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