he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
