i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
