Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
