i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
