so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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