dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
