Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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