I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
