you traded sex for a burrito?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
