Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
