I'm gonna have a badass scar
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
