A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
