chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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