he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize