He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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