last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
