I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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