I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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