so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
