Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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