at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
