i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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