Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize