Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize