3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
