you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
