bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
