He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
