She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize