ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
