i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
