you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
