I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
