I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
