The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
