Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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