when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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