I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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