I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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