I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
