I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
