I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
