I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
