I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
