his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
