its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I touched a dick in church today
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
